8 Inch Pink Jelly Dildo

Eight inches of it and I have had every single one.

This is not a fresh one out of a box. This is mine, the one I actually use, and it has been very well acquainted with me. If you want a sealed toy in shrink wrap there are plenty of shops for that. You are not here for a shop.

It is pink, it is thick, it is suction cupped so it goes wherever I want it, and it has been in more places in my flat than most of my ex boyfriends. Wall, floor, shower, the tiles in the bathroom that I now cannot look at with a straight face. It is waterproof, which I have tested thoroughly and more than once.

You will know exactly what it has been doing, because I will tell you. Every buyer gets the full story of the last session with it, written properly, in as much detail as you can handle.

Send unwashed and I will seal it exactly as it comes out of me, still wet, straight into the bag. Or send cleaned if you would rather. I will not judge either way, but we both know which one you want and we both know you are going to spend ten minutes deciding before you ask.

Add ons if you want them, just say when you order.

Photos of it in use, so you know precisely what you are buying. A video of the last session before it gets posted out. A voice note telling you what I was thinking about while I used it.

Vacuum sealed, discreet plain packaging, nothing on the outside. Your postman learns nothing. You learn everything.

Eight inches, one careful owner, absolutely filthy history.